How To Deal With Jealousy

Jealousy shares widespread common-ground in relationships, just varying its intensity. It isn’t the same as envy, because it involves the wish to keep what one has, and sometimes it is destructive. Some people define jealousy as insecurity in the relationship – the fear of losing the partner. It generally appears when a person perceives or imagines that someone they love is giving attention or affection to a third individual, and the first one wants this just for himself.   

A spree of jealous streak is normal in new relationships, when people aren’t certain if the commitment will work out. They tend to be more secure as they become more stable with time, a factor that is an ally in dealing with jealousy. If a partner, however, betrays the other or does something that brings insecurity to the relationship, it can feel like a breach of trust, being difficult to heal.

Trust is fundamental to avoid the jealousy, as communication. The feeling can’t be denied or hided – people need to deal with it. The couple has to talk about it when they are alone in a place where they feel comfortable, and not necessarily at the moment they felt the jealousy. To start a conversation about it, people have to think what they feel insecure about. A common insecurity is related to low self-esteem, when the person feels unattractive, uninteresting or doubts whether the partner loves them.

When what bothers is identified, the person has to ask oneself if fears are well-founded. If they are, a talk with the partner will be necessary to decide how to solve it. Avoiding some situations or find other distractions can be helpful, as changing the dynamics of the relationship. If jealousy is based on unfounded internal fears, therapy can be a good way to treat it. These fears may stem from childhood conflicts that created jealousy.

A little bit of jealousy sometimes is seen as a demonstration of love in a relationship. This feeling in excess, however, almost all the times produces discomfort or relationship difficulties. The jealousy also can be developed to the abuse, when a partner constantly makes false accusations to the other, acts with violence, tries to control the other’s life and so fears that they have friends on the side. When this happens, the one with this behavior needs to look for help and rethink the relationship over.

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